Share your Jokes

Share your Jokes

Categories: Activities Jokes

There's nothing like a good laugh! Scroll through for some hilarious jokes that have been shared by people working with seniors!. Please add your jokes to the comments section of this page!

There's nothing like a good laugh! Scroll through for some hilarious jokes that have been shared by people working with seniors!. Please add your jokes to the comments section of this page!


Helen 18th Oct 2016
How did Betty Crocker die?
She burned her buns
Julie 14th Sep 2016
Kymberly 14th Sep 2016
The residents loved this one - There was an elderly lady standing on the street. She had both hands holding on to her hat, while the wind was blowing her dress up around her waist.
A dignified gentlemen came up and said 'Madam, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around like that. Its very indecent, and both your hands are holding on to your hat!'
She replied 'Look mister, everything I have down there is over 70 years old. This hat is brand new!'
Talita 14th Sep 2016
Love it!! Please keep them coming Kymberly! Thanks so much.
Kymberly 11th May 2016
There was once a pirate captain who never once lost a battle. he sailed the seas, taking ship After ship, noone seemed to be able to defeat his crew in combat.
One day his first mate was curious about their great success.
"Cap'n, how is it you inspire the crew to fight their best, no matter what we face?'
'Well dont tell 'em lad, but i always wear me red shirt, so if i'm ever hurt the men wont see me blood and keep fighting with all they got. I want them to keep thinking i cant be touched.'
The first mate was impressed, and kept his secret through many more battles. One day, the first mate spied over a dozen ships on the horizon and immediately went to tell the captain. When the captain heard this he calmly made one request. "ok lad, best go fetch me my brown shorts then.'
Dawn 5th May 2016
Love the jokes from everyone.You are all very funny.
Looking forward to sharing them with the residents and seeing the laughter.
Dawn :)
Judith 27th Apr 2016
Hmmmmmmm, all those "blond" joke are reminiscent of the 1950's and not very good. Sorry.
Talita 30th Apr 2016
I'm sorry you don't like them Judith, these jokes have been submitted by members. It does come down to personal taste in the end.
Kymberly 14th Sep 2016
Should I continue to post these?
Talita 14th Sep 2016
Yes I think so Kymberly! Each to their own... I enjoy them!
Dawn 27th Apr 2016
Hi i really like the jokes posted in comments.Why can't they be printed off??
Talita 30th Apr 2016
Hi Dawn,

This is a great point, we will fix this up so that they can be printed. I'll let you know!
Kymberly 6th Apr 2016
A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver wont's stop staring at her. So she asks him why he's staring.
He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but i dont want to offend you."
She answers "My son, you cannot offend me. When you have been a nun as long as i have you get a chance to see and hear almost everything. I'm sure there;s nothing you could say that i would find offensive."
"Well" says the driver, "I always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
"OK" says the nun. "lets see what we can do then. But first I have to know that you are single, and you are a Catholic." "Yes, yes" says the cab driver. "I'm single, and I'm a Catholic!" So the he pulls over and the nun plants a whopper of a kiss on the cabbie. But when they get back on the road the cab driver gets emotional. "My dear, why are you crying?" "Forgive me", says the cabbie. "I've lied. I'm actually married, and I'm Jewish". The nun says, "Thats ok, my name is Kevin, and I'm on my way to a Halloween party".
Del 5th Apr 2016
What do you call a sleeping bull? Bulldozer
What do you do when you sit under a cow? A pat on the head
Why do eggs do not tell each other jokes? Because they crack each other up
Why do deer need braces? Because they have buck teeth
Why were the baby strawberries crying? Their ma and pa were in a jam
Why was the cucumber mad? Because it was in a pickle!
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had nobody to go with
Kymberly 30th Nov 2015
Residents were once moaning at my jokes & said were underestimating their sense of humour...with the response I've been getting lately every week i get demands 'tell us a joke Kym', and i've been giving them large-print copies to read to their relatives. Its a lot of pressure!
Kymberly 27th Nov 2015
A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied again.
"Damn, he recognized me, “she thought. “I’m not going to let him get the bettwe of me.”
She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because dear, that's a microwave," he replied.
Kymberly 27th Nov 2015
A brunette, a red-haired and a blonde comes to an edge of a hill. The rule is: if you lie, you fall off the hill.
A brunette says: - ‘I think I'm the most beautiful’... And she falls off the hill.
A red-haired says: - ‘I think I'm the most clever’... And she falls off the hill.
A blonde says: ‘I think... ‘And she falls off the hill.
Kymberly 27th Nov 2015
A blonde asks a bypasser: “Excuse me, would you tell me where the other side of the road is?
“It's on the other side.”, he says.
“ Strange..”says the blonde. “when I was on the other side, people told me it was here...”
Kymberly 27th Nov 2015
Two blondes and a brunette got stuck in the elevator. One blonde starts to shout for help. – Nothing happens.
The other one tries, and shouts for help – again nothing happens.
A brunette brings in some advice: “Girls, if you shout together, it will be louder.”
The blondes look at each other and shout: “Together!!! Together!!!...”
Kymberly 27th Nov 2015
- A lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She’s organised had a caterer, a band, she’s hired clown. Then just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for them, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back.

Gratefully, they head around to the back of the house. Guests arrive, all is going well with the children – theyre having a wonderful time. But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed, and after trying to entertain the children herself, she happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air.

She speaks to his mate and says, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvellous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him! How’s $50?”

The fellow replies, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. Hey Mike! For $50, would you chop off another toe?"
Kymberly 27th Nov 2015
A man stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!

I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "My guess would be the funeral director."
Kymberly 27th Nov 2015
A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."
Kymberly 27th Nov 2015
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She so wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement, just as the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Kymberly 27th Nov 2015
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. " The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
Kymberly 27th Nov 2015
Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: who just threw that?! Boy: Me! So now I’m going home.
Kymberly 27th Nov 2015
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" Asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time." Said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
Kymberly 27th Nov 2015
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Kymberly 27th Nov 2015
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favourite daily joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime, & Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel looks bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "I know that, but if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
Kymberly 27th Nov 2015
A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis. Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General’s office. “Since we weren’t actually at war,” the General began, “I can’t give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated. What we’ve decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We’ll start on the left, boys, so what’ll it be?” Soldier 1: “The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!” General: “Very good son, that’s 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds” Soldier 2: “The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!” General: “Even better son, that’s 72 inches which comes to 144 pounds” Soldier 3: “The palm of me hand to the tip of me left pinky, sahr!” General: “That’s a strange but fair request, son! As the general begins the measurement: “What! Son, where is your left pinky?” Soldier 3: “Falkland Island, sahr!”
Kymberly 14th Sep 2015
The assistant asked the blonde whether she'd like her pizza cut into 6 pieces or 12.
"Six please" she said. "I could never eat 12."
Wendy 8th Sep 2015
Q how do you know when you are drowning in milk?
A when its past your eyes
Marc 13th Aug 2015
A man says to his doctor "Doc ....I think I'm a teepee"
"Really" says the doctor
"Yeah and some days I think I'm a wigwam"
The doctor says "I think you're two tents"
Kymberly 6th Mar 2015
Did you hear about the fellow who lost his left arm and his left leg? Well he's alright now.
Lydia 15th Jan 2015
Hi, this is the only joke I've remembered.
What does a sheep dog and bra have in common?
Answer: They round them up and point them in the right direction :-)
Gayle 22nd Oct 2014
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
Your too young to smoke!
Kymberly 30th Mar 2014
My husband tells me he enjoys a glass of wine for its health benefits...the others that follow must be for all those witty comebacks and flawless dance moves he has...?
Kymberly 8th Mar 2014
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook, and an eyepatch.

The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?
"Well...", replied the pirate, "While my men and I were plundering in the middle east, I was caught stealing from a merchant and the punishment for theft in the middle east is the loss of the hand that steals"
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eyepatch?"
"A sea gull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a sea gull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well...", said the pirate, " was my first day with the hook."
Kymberly 8th Mar 2014
Edinburgh man Willie McTavish knows the end is near, and is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons.
"So", he says to them, "Bernie, my eldest son, I want you to take the houses on the hill"
"Sybill, my only daughter, you take the flats in the main street and along the coast"
"Mike, my youngest, you can have the offices in the square, and Sarah, my darling wife, please take all the residential buildings in the main town."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Willie slips away, she says, "Mrs McTavish, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated all this property"
Sarah replies "Property? The mongrel has a paper round!"
Kymberly 8th Mar 2014
Three friends married women from different parts of the world.
The first man married an English girl. He told her she was to do the dishes and the entire house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes all washed and put away.
The second man married an American girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, the laundry & the washing. It took a while, but on the third day he came home to a well-kept home.
The third man married an Aussie girl.
He ordered her to keep the house clean, the dishes washed, the lawn mowed, the laundry done, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He didn't see anything on the first day, he didn't see anything on the second day either, but on the third day some of the swelling had gone down, and he could see out of his left eye, his arm had healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dish washer, but he still has some difficulty when he urinates.
Kymberly 22nd Feb 2014
Wife - ''Do you want dinner?"
Husband - "Sure. What are my choices?"
Wife - "Yes, and no."
Kymberly 18th Feb 2014
Sister Mary was out making her rounds visiting home-bound patients when she ran out of petrol. A petrol station was just a little way the road, so she walked down to get some petrol and perhaps borrow a petrol can.
The attendant told her he didn't have a can to lend out, so , always resourceful, she walked back to her car to get one of the bedpans she uses for one of her patients., filled it with petrol, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank 2 men watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, "Now if that starts, I'm turning Catholic!"
Julie 15th Feb 2014
Remember Popeye and Olivoil,Peewee the little boy?
Well they had another baby,guess what they called it?
Baby oil....
Janelle 12th Feb 2014
Why did the bee fly with his legs crossed?
Because he was looking for the BP Station!
Mandy 31st Jan 2014
A joke shared with me today from a resident.
Why does a male dog pee with his leg up on the tree?
Because the very first male dog to pee on a tree kept his leg down and the tree fell on top of him!
Angela 31st Jan 2014
What did one flea say to the other flea?.....Shall we walk or take the dog?
Heather 29th Jan 2014
- 'How do you make an orange turn over?...Tickle its navel!'

- 'What did the puppy say when it sat on the sandpaper?- Ruff Ruff

- 'What has fifty heads and no brains?...A box of matches!'