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Hi Tina

I assume the male residents wife does not have dementia

First have the social worker or someone in a similar position talk to the wife and explain to her that her husband is in a memory care unit and everyone in the unit has some memory issues

Getting angry at the female resident will do no good in fact it may escalate into a real brawl

This wife of male resident needs to understand that no matter what you do she the female person with dementia may not stop

She will forget what you told her and trying to remind her will only make her angry

The wife of the male resident should join a support group and get her frustrations out in the group

Even if the wife chooses to move her husband to a different facility the same thing may happen

You can try to distract The female with dementia when she makes inappropriate gestures to the male resident with dementia

Is there something she really likes to do that would distract her

Perhaps you can send her to the hairdresser and pay for her to have her hair done

I am sure the facility does not want to lose the male resident with dementia

We did have a similar situation but the wife of the male resident with dementia became friends with the female who had dementia in fact she used to bring her food from McDonald's which she also brought her husband

I hope this helps

Hi Tina, how difficult this must be for the wife and all of you as you try to redirect! I've seen this a lot, and despite efforts, it is difficult to redirect permanently without a move to a new unit (which can cause a host of new issues for the resident). I like the idea Susan offered regarding the Social Worker. It is important that the wife feels supported!

Thank you Molly

I had this happen before also and I wanted to try this idea but the gentlemen passed just before I got it in place. So if you try it please let me know the outcome good or bad. I would talk to the women residents family and see what they notice that is similar beside the shared name. Does he wear a baseball hat if not try to get him to wear a hat cowboy baseball whatever. Does he wear t-shirts or polos? Maybe put him in a different type of shirt a bright Hawaiian shirt or something the opposite of his norm or whatever the common thing is. Maybe he has the same color hair or parts it the same way. Is that something his wife is willing to change.

Very good idea Teresa

Let us know what works for you Tina

Thanks