Animal Jokes

What did mama lion say when she saw her cub chasing a hunter around a tree?
Stop playing with your food!

Two cows were talking in the field.
One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?"
The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?"

A man walks into a pet shop.
"Have you got any dog going cheap?" he asks.
"Sorry, all our dogs go woof."

One snake says to his friend, "I forget — are we poisonous?"
"Why do you want to know?" he friend replies.
"Because I just bit my tongue!"

A baby camel asks its mother why they have large feet.
"It"s to stop us sinking in the soft desert sand." The mother replies.
"Mum, why do we have all this hair around our eyes?"
"So that when we cross the desert and the wind blows, we won"t get sand in our eyes."
"Mum, why do we have humps on our backs?"
"To store water so that if we don"t find a water hole we can use our built-in supply."
"I hope you don"t mind mum, but I"ve got one more question."
"What's that?"
"What are we doing here in the zoo?"

A burglar was quietly robbing a house when he heard a voice: "Jesus is watching you." Then he saw a parrot in a cage and asked: "Did you just talk to me?" The parrot replied " Yes". Relieved, the burglar asked: "What's your name?" The parrot responded, "Clarence". The burglar said: "That's a stupid name, what idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot answered, "The same idiot who named the rottweiler Jesus".

A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant.
When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent and the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.

One hen says to the other: "Last night I had fever."
"How do you know?" replied the other.
"Well, today I layed a boiled egg".

When the family finally illuminated the Christmas tree in the garden, one dog said to the other:" "Finally, we have light in the toilet."

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn't jump at all!

A man asks a farmer if he can cross his farm to catch the 4:25 train.
The farmer says: "Sure go right ahead and if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4:20!