By Solange Kindermann and based on Greyman's Panto and Road Dahl's poem 'Cinderella'.
Adults and children.
9 people. Cinderella, Prince Charming, 2 Ugly sisters, Servant, Evil Stepmother, Fairy Godmother, Valet, Narrator.
30 - 40 minutes (this depends on how well cast the play is).
Humorous Christmas / fairy tale play.
It is up to you, the more outrageous the better.
It is very important that all dialogues are enunciated very well and very slowly so everybody can understand. Do not allow actors 'rush' the play.
Make it as amusing as possible;
Remember to speak slow and pronounce every word correctly and poetically whenever needed.
Narrator welcomes guests:
Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen! We are going to present the story of 'Cinderella', starring our fabulous in-house stars: Bella and May as the Ugly Sisters and the enchanting Shirley as Cinderella; the nasty wicked stepmother could be no one else but Sister Helen. Could you please put your hands together for 'Cinderella'!
After some soft music in the background the narrator continues:
( slow and loud enough for all to hear)
A long time ago, in an ancient castle lived a kind man, his wife and a beautiful daughter; Cinderella. One day the Queen died and the man married an evil woman who had two daughters. The evil step mother and her daughters took an instant dislike to Cinderella and if you think you know this story; let me assure you, you don't:
The real one is really gory...
The phoney one, the one you know,
Was cooked up years and years ago,
And made to sound all soft and sappy
Just to keep the children happy...
As the narrator ends his talking the two sisters enter the stage very coquettish carrying lots of shopping bags:
Sister: Hi, my name is Lucrezia and this is my sister Rozelba. We have been sisters all our lives. In fact we are twins, only mother can tell us apart.
Rozelba: I wanted to be a supermodel but I was deemed too beautiful! Now I am a dancer (starts dancing)
Lucrezia: I was invited to be a Playboy bunny because of my fabulous figure!
Rozelba: The good thing about being twins is that we have an almost uncanny telepathic
understanding, don't we?
Lucrezia: We do, darling! I only have to think of an animal and Rozelba knows what animal I am thinking of!
Rozelba: Let's give it a go...
Lucrezia: I am now thinking of an animal...
Rozelba: Is it a horse?
Rozelba: Is it a dog?
Rozelba: Is it a cat?
Rozelba: Is it a hippopotamus?
Rozelba: Is it cornflakes?
Rozelba: Is it popcorn?
Rozelba: Is it a gorilla?
Lucrezia turns to the audience
Lucrezia: Didn't I tell you we can read each other's mind?
Cinderella is called.
Lucrezia: Cindereeeeella, I want tea and scones and chocolate cake and cucumber sandwiches!
Rozelba: Cindereeeeella, come here and bring your back side with you for a smack. Silly goose, can't
you see we are fatigued from having a good time!
The sisters' exit with their shopping bags and Cinderella comes with a broom and starts to sweep the floor.
Cinderella: I am so unhappy. I have no friends in this house except for a family of mice and the birds...
Enters the evil stepmother.
Cinderella: How are you dear stepmother?
Evil stepmother: None of your business! Have you swept the bird droppings from the patio?
Cinderella: Yes, dear stepmother...
Evil stepmother: Well, cut the lawn with your teeth, you lazy girl! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Enters a servant accompanied by a valet.
Evil stepmother: What is it Buttons? (Addressing the servant)
Valet:(Curtsying) I am Dandini, the King's valet. I bring here the tidings from the sovereign first born of a soiree this very evening to which eligible ladies are most heartily summoned!
Ugly sisters enter the stage tripping over each other.
Ugly sisters: (turning to Buttons) What did he say? Please explain!
Buttons: Prince Charming is having a ball at the castle tonight.
Evil stepmother: I will attend with my beautiful daughters!
Valet: Here are your three invitations.
Buttons: Excuse me, there are four ladies living in this house!
Evil stepmother: Nonsense, Cinderella doesn't count! She leaves a trail of filth and slime wherever she goes!
Valet: I am sorry madam but it is the King's express wish that all maidens should attend the ball.
He hands another invitation to the stepmother.
Evil stepmother and the Ugly Sisters in unison: How exciting! Let's get ready for the ball, but before that let's teach this idiot a lesson for bringing Cindy into the equation!
(They hit and kick Buttons and she leaves the stage screaming)
Cinderella: How about me?
Evil stepmother: You will be locked in the cellar! (Grabbing Cinderella and draging her off stage with her daughters trailing behind her. Cinderella screams for help).
Narrator takes over:
And so ...the Ugly Sisters, jewels and all
Departed for the Palace Ball,
While darling little Cinderella
Was locked up in a slime cellar
Where rats who wanted things to eat,
Began to nibble at her feet.
She bellowed 'Help!' and 'Let me out!'
The Magic Fairy heard the shouts
Appearing in a blaze of light,
She said; 'My dear, are you all right?'
'All right?' cried Cindy. 'Can't you see?'
'I feel as rotten as can be!'
Cinderella enters the stage with a long cape and starts calling her Godmother.
Cinderella: Godmother! Godmother, where are you?
The Fairy Godmother enters the stage.
Cinderella: What took you so long Fairy Godmother? I want a dress! I want a coach! And earring and diamonds brooch! And silver slippers, two of those! And lovely nylon pantyhose!
Fairy Godmother: Don't give me a hard time! I warned you against a career in domestic service. I said to you: Lap dance! That's where the money is! But you wouldn't listen!
Cinderella: Shut up and use your wand! I am late for the ball! All done up, I'll guarantee the handsome Prince will fall for me!
Fairy Godmother: Hang on a tick until I give my wand a mighty flick.
What Cinderella needs
Is a great beauty frock!
Cinderella, letting her cape falls to the floor, exclaims
Cinderella: About time, you fool!
Godmother: Remember dear, at the stroke of midnight you will revert to a vulgar domestic! Cinderella: Oh shut up!
They leave the stage
And so ... it made the Ugly Sisters wince
To see Cindy dancing with the Prince
She held him very tight and pressed
Herself against his chest.
The Prince himself was turned to pulp,
All he could do was gasp and gulp
Then midnight struck and Cindy shouted 'Heck!'
I've got to run to save my neck!
She runs out in despair
And loses one slipper on the stairs
Prince Charming enters the stage holding a slipper close to his chest.
The girl this slipper fits,
I will marry in a tick.
I'll visit every house in town.
Until I've tracked the maiden down!
Prince Charming exits. The Ugly Sisters and Evil Step godmother enter the stage and sit down. Buttons enters and announces Prince Charming.
Buttons: His Royal Highness wishes to know if the slipper fits anyone in this house.
Buttons leaves the stage and Prince Charming enters.
Lucrezia: I will try the slipper, handsome! It will sure fit me!
But it doesn't fit.
Rozelba: I will fit me, my good-looking suitor!
But it doesn't fit.
Buttons enters holding Cinderella by the arm. Buttons: It will fit her, your Royal Highness. (He pushes her towards a seat)
Evil Stepmother: Cinderella, go back to your cinders!
Prince Charming: No, let her try the slippers.
The slippers fit.
Prince Charming: My bride!
Cinderella: My Prince Charming!
They dance to the sound of a waltz for a minute and exit.
Evil stepmother, Lucrezia and Rozelba stay on stage mock fighting, hitting each other; pulling, pinching and bumping each other.
And so they got married.
Their house was filled with smiles and laughter
And they were happy ever after!
Lucrezia addresses the narrator and says:
Lucrezia: No, your silly cow! The story is not finished!
Rozelba: Of course not! You don't know that I was that close to get it off with the Prince!
Bringing thumb and index fingers together to indicate how close she was.
Lucrezia: Bollocks! He spend hoooours with me and undreeeessed me with his eyes!
Rozelba: Liar, he called for security!
Lucrezia: Only to stop me from leaving!
Evil Step Godmother:
The truth is; you were both useless.
I've seen dung-beetle with more allure and poise.
I spend a fortune sending you two to an expensive finishing school!
And what do I get? Two clumping half-wits who couldn't master a burp in a Fizzy Lemonade drinking contest!
Prince Charming and Cinderella return to the stage.
Cinderella: What are we going to do with them?
Prince Charming: Off with their heads!
Evil stepmother, Lucrezia and Rozelba gather together in fear.
No, it is Christmas time, season of love and understanding.
Let's forgive them and sing a few Christmas carols.
We will employ them as servants when we get married.
Evil stepmother, Lucrezia and Rozelba: Oh nooooo!
They bow to the audience and Christmas carols starts.